Be the Boss!

Everyone wants to be boss. To be able to have everyone see you as the person ‘in charge’. Makes one feel good. Feeds the ego and puffs up the chest.

But does everyone want to be the Leader?

If one is honest with one’s self then the answer is yes – would rather be the well-loved Leader than the disliked Boss.

What’s the difference you ask?

A-t-t-i-t-u-d-e.

A Boss wants a job done and generally doesn’t care how its done, as long as it gets done.

A Leader wants the job done, also, but takes the well being of his team into consideration during the implementation of getting the job done.

A Boss tells someone to do something.

A Leader asks and shows by example if needed.

OK, so just HOW does a human ‘show by example’ to the horse?

It’s easy – a-t-t-i-t-u-d-e.

Horses know when we’re doing something to feed our own egos and merely utilizing them as a vehicle to get what we want. They also know when we’re trying to help them understand what we’d like them to do. Horses are hard-wired to decipher the INTENT of those around.

INTENT = ATTITUDE.

The Oxford English Dictionary tells us that the word assertiveness derives from the verb “to assert,” which, according to those Oxford folks, means “to state an opinion, claim a right, or establish authority.” They go on to say that if you assert yourself, you “behave in a way that expresses your confidence, importance, or power, and earns you respect from others.”

Let’s differentiate that from aggressiveness, which means “characterized by aggression: inclined to behave in an actively hostile fashion.”

Here’s a list of comparisons I just happened across the other day along with the Oxford definitions above:

Aggressive conduct: Glares or stares at others
Assertive conduct: Makes friendly, considerate eye contact

Aggressive conduct: Intimidates others with body language
Assertive conduct: Shows confident body language that matches the message

Aggressive conduct: Has an air of inflexibly—”my way or the highway”
Assertive conduct: States one’s needs, but genuinely considers other perspectives

Aggressive conduct: Strives to control others
Assertive conduct: Strives to listen to and work with others

Aggressive conduct: Considers other’s perspectives only when demanded to do so
Assertive conduct: Considers other’s perspectives without needing to be asked

Aggressive conduct: Values one’s self more than others
Assertive conduct: Values self as an equal to others

Aggressive conduct: Will intimidate or even hurt others to avoid being hurt
Assertive conduct: Tries to hurt no one (including self)

Aggressive conduct: Reaches goals usually on the backs of others
Assertive conduct: Strives to reach goals, and help others reach their goals, too

So, are you “The Boss” or are you a trusted “Leader” to your horse?
Your horse deserves an honest answer.